Scary freedom

I have finally publicly taken a stance on something I have been working on for a while now. I can’t be more specific, but I can tell you it has taken me weeks to conjure up the guts to do this. This thing I’m referring to is still new to me, and I’ve been sort of shy and feeling insecure about my place in it. At the same time, it has created immense stress for me to always have to censure myself, to always be on the lookout for myself making mistakes. You know it’s happening when it takes you the best part of an evening to write one, I repeat: ONE email, rephrasing and revising it over and over again.

So what happened? Nothing much. I looked at that thing for a while, trying to figure out why it was making me so uncomfortable. Well: It takes me out of my comfort zone, for one. It’s a real challenge. And a large part of it is taking a stance and being challenged for it; not easy for a recovering people-pleaser. Do I need to say more? 

So I figured what the h***, I’ll have to fight anyways. I can as well do it now. 

Right now, I feel kind of afraid of my own guts, but otherwise, I feel like I’ve gained a whole lot of freedom.

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