I am taking turns and dawdling around when it comes to my Portfolio Project. After all it might have been better to set a clear goal, like so-and-so-many pictures taken or something like that. I’m not totally convinced though, since my PP was really about making space for my self, and quantified goals are simply a step ahead of me right now. Do you know what I mean?
Anyways. A long weekend away and a severe cold (mum AND toddler) later, I am always thinking about what I could do, but rarely coming around to actually doing it. I will have to reflect a little on why that is. There are many things that keep me from getting down to work, and although I do know them by now, I haven’t yet found a way to deal with them effectively, or so it seems. In times of uncertainty, habits, however ill-advised or stupid, provide comfort and a space in which I do not have to deal with the BIG questions. What do I want to do with my life? (I know the answer to this, but am afraid to say it out loud in case it doesn’t work out or involves major life-changing decisions like moving to a different country, say) What kind of creativity do I want in my life, and what do I want to do with it? Do I want to make money with it? Is that even possible? And how is that going to fit in with my “professional” career? Is there a way to combine the two, or at least to have both?
Basically, it’s like the reins to my life are in sight, I am almost there, but whenever I’m close enough to grab them I keep shying away. There are so many excuses to let others decide what’s good for me, and it’s so much easier to blame others if it didn’t work out.