List No. 9: Things you didn’t know about this blog

1. I am too afraid to allow search engines to let people find this blog. I’m not exactly sure why. Mostly because I’m afraid my family will judge me for what I write here.

2. I enjoy writing. A lot. However, letting go of and giving up control over this writing is extremely difficult for me.

3. At the same time, deep down I believe that things would heal inside me if I did. It’s a predicament.

4. No. 1-3 is why I don’t post here much.

5. I keep having ideas for this blog, but I stop short of implementing them. It’s like I’m in a constant state of dreaming about who I could be (the blog being a metaphor for this person), and then shying away from it.

6. I fluctuate between believing I can write, even poetry, and thinking I suck.

7. The reason I started this blog was a period of depression after the birth of my first child.

8. I really don’t know what I want to do with this space. I think I know what I would like to do with this space, but I’m too afraid to use my voice.

9. I also am afraid of my readers. That there’s too few, that there’s too many, that they’ll use what I write here against me. Even though I have had exclusively wonderful responses to my writing here. (I know)

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