The other night, a girl from my past visited me in a dream.
We didn’t leave things on good terms, she and I. We also haven’t been in touch for more than 10 years. Over time, she has become one of my demons. One of the voices telling me off, telling me to stop, telling me to “behave”. It isn’t the first time she intruded on my sleep, either.
This time was different though. Usually, my feelings towards her, if only in dreamland, would include obedience, shame, and insecurity. This has now been substituted for no apparent reason by what I can only call friendly distance. For once, I didn’t engage with her at all, just acknowledged her without that horrid feeling of inferiority.
I don’t really know what brought this on. In real life, we are in the middle of moving, living between boxes, and I didn’t think calmness or poise, let alone closing difficult chapters of my past were going to be happening during this time. I am all the more proud of my dream self for being and doing exactly that.