Sometimes, life seems either too overwhelming or too boring to share it. I guess that’s why I have been “offblog” for a while. One job meeting with major professional and personal upheavals, some traveling and at least one panic attack later, I am back on track. Sort of. If you want to read more, go to ThisOrdinaryDay.
We went to a Whisky tasting yesterday, which was fun. Six different single malts, some soup and cheese and lovely dessert, and much information about the Scottish whisky tradition and how it came about. Nice location, too, and lovely to have a night off.
Navigating and coordinating all expectations, roles and seemingly selfish personal wishes can be hard. Especially when you feel there might be a little too much going on in your life already. I often get the feeling that if I were living on an uninhabited island with my husband and son, everything would be so much easier: Nobody would be there to make me do anything, or to give me a bad conscience; there wouldn’t be necessities beyond the stuff that’s simply human, and so on.
Of course, this is a delusion. The voices I hear (“Come visit me regularly despite the distance”, “do a good job and no, I don’t want to hear about your sick child”, “be a good mother” etc.) are mine, and mine alone. They wouldn’t go away just by moving outside of civilisation. I alone have the power to make them stop, to put them in their place. To set priorities in a way that suits me and the ones I love. To live my very own, highly individual life, and to make choices that, each and every one of them, put the people and things first that I love and cherish most (and yes, this does include myself), instead of blindly following advice, doing it “the way it was always done”, or following some other lead.
I have to take my own lead, I’m afraid, and navigate the sea that is my life in a direction that makes me happy. If it only were as easy as it sounds.
Nature. Ocean. Horse riding. Farm animals. Doing nothing.
Do I need to say more?
I just heard the Russian composer Sofia Gubaidulina say that we are living in strange times, since there somehow is no present anymore. We are living in the transition from past to future, while the present is escaping us more and more.
I think I know why she is saying this, but I also hope it isn’t true.